I spent the weekend packing up Thistlewood.
The house was full. Full of boxes stacked everywhere and rolls of bubble wrap and crate after crate of milk glass and tables and chairs and plastic tubs full of monopoly and other games. And just between you and me and this computer screen…
…it was so much harder than I thought.
I know it’s just a house.
I know it’s just a move.
I know there are way bigger things in this world than packing up yard sale furniture and pieces of trash collected over the years.
I get.
I understand.
But my heart broke when I looked around and saw the empty. It was overwhelming. It was sad. It was as if I was leaving a part of me behind in the sunlight dancing across the wood floors. I wasn’t sure where to put all those emotions. I wasn’t sure if I could walk out that door.
And then I remembered a story I once told.
A story about a tiny, blonde-haired, blue-eyed philosopher who is brilliant and amazing and so much wiser than her years.
Here’s a reminder for all those dark days when the storm clouds roll in.
Yesterday was a day for bad days.
Everything went wrong.
Nothing went right.
I stepped in dog poop when I wasn’t looking and over-curled my hair so I looked like a poodle and ran into a spider web outside and discovered a rotted pumpkin on the hutch in the kitchen.
I awkwardly wasn’t funny when I really thought I was going to be and five different times I opened my mouth….
….and inserted my foot.
I wanted to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my poodle curls and start over.
I wish this was the part of the story where I tell you in spite of it being a not-so-very-good-black-cloud-poodle-hair kind of day…
…I was still super nice to everyone around me.
But I can’t. Because I wasn’t.
Not even a bit.
Steam came out of my ears in WalMart when I had to wait in a ten-person line and I literally rolled my eyes at the clerk at the dollar store when they told me they were out of milk. I generally frowned my way through the rest of the afternoon and when I picked up one of the twins from basketball practice, I sighed impatiently and turned up the music on the way home because I didn’t want to talk.
We drove in silence down those winding country roads with Taylor Swift blaring in the background.
I didn’t say a thing.
I simply sat and stewed and thought about my hair and the rotted pumpkin and all the work I had to do and all the things that had gone wrong that day.
Why? I thought. Why did a bad day like this have to happen to me? Where’s the sunshine? Where’s the happiness?
Finally, we pulled up in front of the house. I grabbed my bags, shut the door and stomped up the front sidewalk. On the front porch I turned and looked around for my daughter.
Where was she? I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.
“Whitney,” I yelled from the front porch. “Where are you? Come on. We only have a few minutes before we have to leave again for the game.”
From the other side of the car I heard a tiny voice, “Hold on a minute, Mom. I’ll be there in just a sec.”
“Now,” I said emphatically. “WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE.”
And then?
Then she came running up the sidewalk, book bag bouncing behind her, grinning from ear to ear, as she held out her phone.
“Wait until you see this,” she said excitedly. “You won’t even believe it.”
And then she paused and smiled, “It might make you happy.”
Irritatedly, I reached for the phone. Impatiently, I glanced down, expecting to see something on Facebook or a joke or a quote or something she thought was funny.
But instead?
I saw this.
A beautiful, wonderful, awe-inspiring picture of the sunlight streaming through the clouds.
“Look,” she said pointing above us. “I just had to take a picture, Mom. It was so beautiful.”
I looked at that photograph again as my anger slowly melted away.
This glorious scene had been unfolding right over my head and I had been so focused on myself and my hair and my dog poop toes….
….that I had missed it.
I smiled through misty eyes at that tiny little daughter of mine and grabbed her hand and together we walked up the steps on a bright, shiny, sunny, joyful day.
The day was the same, but I was different.
A new perspective.
A new outlook.
A change of view.
Thanks to a tiny, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, grinning optimist who took a moment to remind me…
….to always look for the amazing. 🙂
An amazing story on an amazing day told by an amazing author. It doesn't get much better. As I was folding laundry this morning over my new counter I contemplated painting it and putting a message on it to remind myself how wonderful it all really is...even when we are sad, even when we are angry, even when we are bewildered. I thank God every day for all these emotions...it's the texture of life. Your texture just went from a nice cotton canvas to a beautiful linen because you packed up that dear house and walked out the door. Texture is all over you girl. Be blessed today. Nancy
Thank you, thank you! I moved 5 years ago! Sunshine followed. Memories are sweet. Love your writing. It speaks beautifully.
You just changed my day with your beautiful story♥️
Kids are our better angels.
only ones I know
Loved the story. I needed that today.
Sweet KariAnne, I can just imagine the mixed emotions you've been experiencing. No way around it: some things are just hard. But I'll tell you what you were really doing with all those boxes and bubblewrap. You were packing up Thistlewood and loading it all into your heart. You'll take it with you, dear one, and you'll share it with us, no matter what ZIP code you're in. Thistlewood can't be contained by a dot on a map; it's a dwelling place, and it's in you. Maybe, like Paris, Thistlewood is a moveable feast. Don't you think?
Oh my goodness I know how you feel! I moved last winter and was sad to leave my home......I had such a lovely garden and lake. I can't tell you though how many times in the last 10 months as I've walked in the woods around my new home or a mile up to the mailbox that I have looked up at these mountains and seen the beauty and wonder all around me and smiled and thought......this is where I am meant to be right now!! And you will think that so many times too as you get settled into your "new old home"
You always have me in tears. That's a good thing. God Bless you and all that you do. Your future is so bright and I say Enjoy the Ride!!
WE are at the point where we need to make the decision to move from the farm we have lived on for 60 years or get some help to take care of us and the things that have to be done. Our doctors are almost 100 miles away. Moving would be hard, but the uncertainty of our health is harder, but my husband says he will be carried out feet first. I think I can feel what you are feeling. I look at the beautiful sunsets and wonder if I will be able to find a place that I can find that beauty. It's all in God's hands. Blessings on you as you make this transition.
Carol, Blessyou in making a very difficult decision. My Mom moved out of her home of 50 some years to move in with my hubby and I half way across the country. Dad had recently passed away and my brother had died 12 years earlier. It was tremendously hard on her but she really enjoyed our 5 years together and she’s adjusted to her new environment and not having to be responsible for such a large house and property. I feel it gave her a new lease on life. Blessings on your decision .
Carol, I just read your comment and want to say: may you be blessed in this season of life with wisdom, joy and peace for your journey ahead. xo rachel
Thanks I needed that today.
Amen! the amazing is always there if you look, xo
I must have missed something...why are you moving? Human nature doesn't like change and its hard for sure. Their is always an open door for new beginnings. Take care and remember the great memories.
Girl I have been there! You are amazing and so you have passed it on to your kids. I know exactly what you describe, the annoyance of a day off kilter. But you are fabulous, dog poo, poodle curls and all! Hugs!
Karianne, I have not read nor looked at your lovely blog for months. I finished my graduate nursing degree and have been taking in down time. I looked and read enough today to know your news. I so love your heart........ I truly do. Steph
Thank you for the beauty in the raw transparency and truth of your feelings and emotions as you unveil your journey. I am not surprised when Whitney breathes in the moment, she has you for a mom. I love you KariAnne! 💗
Dearest KariAnne, I know packing up your beautiful home had to be so very hard. Even good and right decisions can be heartbreaking. It was exactly one year ago this past Saturday (Nov. 3, 2016)that I got to meet you at the quilt shop in Greenwood Indiana! That was such a highlight in some darkness our family is walking through. But oh the journey that just on year can take you on, Right?. Thank you for being you and spreading joy when you are feeling pain.! xo hugs and best wishes for the journey ahead. Rachel
P. S. and the minute I hit publish, I saw typos...sorry! xo
Thanks for the beautiful reminder. We all have poopy days and usually we can only focus on ourselves during those bad times. Thank your daughter for reminding me of the beauty all around us if we only dare to look. Love ya, girl!
Had to do the same 4 times in 5 years...and it is never easy. Just reading your post triggered the floodgates again...for you and for me. We are all sisters in carrying the beautiful poetic grievings of a life well lived. You craft it perfectly into words! You are allowed to grieve...and put a bow on all the beautiful memories. Thank you. --Aimee
Out of the mouths of babes- my granddaughter always makes me feel young and vital.
my grandson gave me life
oh, sweet sweet lady. I had to get a fresh cup of coffee just so I could sit still & read your post. You are starting a new chapter, new book, maybe Thislewood Farms 2.0. But your memories will follow you. No box for them, they just tag along and when you need them, they will be there.
Hey Girl. Moves are tough, even when you know it's the Lord's will for you. I was just wondering,..will you be changing the blog's name?
I'm so thankful that in the midst of that hole in your heart kind of day...that God reminded you of that sweet wisdom and beautiful memory. I know that feeling of leaving a home. God reminded me that He had given me my home as a gift. And in my tears, I saw myself gift wrapping that house and giving it back to Him. A beautifully wrapped gift. It settled my heart in a precious way. Praying for settling in a perfect way for you, my sweet friend!
Hey sweet friend! Wish I could come hug you and help you with this transition.
One of my favorite sayings is "Find the Wonderful in Today". I do not feel very wonderful today because I had cataract surgery yesterday and the same thing has happened in this eye that happened in the old eye. Cloudy, cloudy and it will take about 2 to 3 months to totally clear up. The doc doesn't know why so now I won't be able to see very well probably through Christmas and 2 surgeries for my hubby. But.....I still have my eyes and they will clear up. Sometimes we have to redefine Wonderful. Blessings to all.
Oh yes packing those boxes and seeing everything you loved about your home become empty is heart wrenching. You put so much love into your home that it will be carried on by the next family- it has to be!!! Loved how your daughter broke the bad mood with that picture. So beautiful!
You are not alone in packing those boxes, in storing away memories, in cleaning crumbs out of corners or seeing nail holes and faded paint on the walls where art or pictures used to hang. We moved our family from Chicago to D.C. last summer and I transitioned from stay at home mommy to work full time with a 2 hour round trip commute. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I thought I would be fine, I'm a "pull yourself up by your boot straps, we got this" type of girl! It has been the hardest transition of my life. More tears and cloudy days than I ever thought possible. We are near my family now, I thought this would make everything wonderful, and while family is great, there are so many other obstacles. I want my house that I loved in Chicago back, I want my days with my children back, I want my old work from home job back. And then, I realized that my kids still love me, God provided a house and a job that provides what we need- He reminds me again and again of the sun that is always there, even if there are clouds in front, I just have to keep moving. It's the wind that is so brutal in this storm that will push the dark clouds away so the sun alone is left. I'm so sorry for your hurting heart, just know your heart does not hurt alone and this wind will drive the dark clouds away. P.S. Children are the brightest blessings, aren't they!!!
But you are moving to your family!!! Take heart. New projects! New inspirations! I know one last heartbreaking look at Thistlewood Farms...
My older sister was diagnosed with ALS just summer before last and it is having its way with her nervous system so quickly that it is devastating. Any time I'm frustrated, sad that I'm alone, my back hurts, I don't want to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill or think I'm otherwise having a less than stellar life or a bad day, I just thank my lucky stars that I am not a victim of this terrible disease. It really puts things in perspective. Love your daughter's photo.
KariAnne, you will be missed in West KY. Life is a journey and enjoy every day no matter where you are.
Some days are just plain awful and some moves are harder than others, but your new home will be amazing and you will look back a year from now and realize this is "home" and where you are supposed to be.
Thistlewood takes over Texas. Kentucky mourns. Her followers are just as in love with her, the family, books and blog as they ever were. Not the end of the story by far. Simply a re-direction. Bless you.
I say we need to find a bit of magic in every day...perhaps I need to say we need to find a little whimsy...or as you say...to find the amazing in each day...any way it's said, it keeps us on the sunny side...and that's what it really is all about. Relish your new adventures...making memories with your family.
Oh KariAnne, It rather feels like we are moving with you. I too will miss Thistlewood Farms, but I am excited to see what new gifts of shared memories you will so generously give to us. Godspeed.
I love your stories, my dear friend! Poignant and potent and target me right in my heart! I am praying for you because I know how hard it is to leave a home even when you are making a new one. Just know you have a friend holding you up in prayer!!!! LOVE you! xo
My heart hurts for you...as I get it. When our home of 30 years was empty of stuff, but filled with memories so overwhelming I felt I could not breathe. Bless your heart. But this picture was perfect And God sent to your angel to share with you. Love when the sun's rays slice through the clouds... Have always heard it is ️loved ones reminding us they are watching over us, shining their love so we can see a perk of heaven when life gets a bit too tough or rough. Hugs ️️sweet friend! Keep shining and sharing!
I remembered the story and it still brought tears to my eyes. You are such a wonder. I've missed you. Oh, I know you've been here but I've been running around like a whirling dervish.-- is there such a thing? I am so glad I picked today to pause a little and read your note - I do need to stop and just live. Thank you. Big hugs!! And you'll make Thistlewood II fantastic!!
I sat here crying when I read this for a lot of reasons, mostly thinking of my childhood home after both my parents died. Walking out of that house for the last time, after a week of packing, cleaning, painting, etc. with my siblings was one of the hardest emotional things I've ever done---oh the memories both good & bad! Then at that very second, my adult son sent me a text about sending a Christmas card to a little boy dying of cancer and I immediately thanked God for how truly blessed I'm am! God does indeed work in mysterious ways!
Thank you. I needed a change in perspective today!
And that is because you have done such a great job of raising her KariAnne! She sees her mom is such an optimist and so she has become like her amazing momma!
just what I needed ... remember to find the beauty in EVERYTHING ❤
Thank you so much - I REALLY needed this today. Every now and then a reminder comes through.....
Oh KariAnne!! You just Had to show all those lovely pictures of KY. didn't you?! 😔. It makes me sad to see you leave Thistlewood.. 😭 But, as I sit here in the local laundrymat washing my Mom's winter bedspread and blanket for her, ( while she plays Tripoli with her card playing gals.. Hehe. 🤑) I understand the importance of family loyalty!! Anywhoo, I remember reading this story and it's a lovely one! And a reminder to us all to keep our perspective...
Just beautiful in its simplicity 💕
I cannot even imagine how hard it is to leave your beautiful farm and house, to leave a life that you made all the more special because you made it a home! You can cry and be sad, we all understand and we are here for you, praying that the move is a good one and that there will be so many happy days and new memories. This is a beautiful story and your daughter is as sweet as her mom.
You touch my heart. Thank you.
Remember, KariAnne, home is truly where your heart is. The view may change but the love remains.
We'll be facing an empty home of 24 years in the not too distant future, as well. To me, though, it's not just a move, It's the close of a season. But in our next season, we'll be closer to our kids and grandchildren!
You wouldn't feel sad about leaving Thistlewood if you hadn't experienced such happy times there. I think of those moments as a death of a dream ... you most likely had envisioned growing older there, hosting grandchildren for holidays. You know, all those Hallmark-ey thoughts. It's ok to be sad for a little while because I know you are wise enough to look for the blessings in your new-old home.
Aren't children gifts from God? I can totally relate to the kind of day you were having and yet, our children can always find the silver lining. What a heartwarming and honest story. Thank you for sharing. I am sad you are packing up Thistlewood too....:(
Hugs to both you and your VERY wise daughter!!
Dear KariAnne........where ever you hang your hat will be Thistlewood.......
Thank you!
The last lines of the movie "Out of Africa' left a lasting impression on me: "If I know a song of Africa... does Africa know a song of me?" Karen Blixen (Isak Dinesen) wrote these words about leaving her farm in Africa of nearly 20 years. You will be leaving a part of you "behind in the sunlight dancing across the wood floors", but you will be taking a part of those sunlit floors with you in your heart. At least the sad moment of your leave-taking is behind you now, You have chronicled your time there so beautifully in words and pictures... your memories of that happy place will never fade.
Ahhhh perspective....and the wisdom of children. Blessings to you on having BOTH! xo
A few months ago, I moved and decided to rent out my house to some friends. Oh, the pain I felt when I took away the last few items and realized - - this is not my home anymore!. The home that was my security for the past 18 years!! The home where where I raised my children!! The home I lovingly painted/decorated/repaired/took care of! The home, which now, is void of any character. I don't accept change very easily, but I know in my new home, I have the opportunity to create many more years of memories. Somehow, that makes it easier. Wishing you many rays of sunshine!
Beautiful, thank you.
Beautiful story... as always. We just think we are the ones shaping our children when really, it's the other way around. We moved 5 years ago... long after our boys had moved away... and I had no remorse, no emotional meltdown. Oh, I loved that house, but the boys were already gone... the memories had already moved.... so.. it was not so hard to leave. And then the excitement of something new, a new place to create new memories and a fresh gathering place for extended family overtook us. I've never regretted moving as this home meets our family's needs so much better. Life is a series of adaptations, no?
Doesn't mean you can't take time to grieve a loss.
Awwww!!! I feel for you, darling!!! You are brave and so is your whole family for doing this!!! And I love that story!!! I remember reading it a while ago!!! What a great reminder, right??? Sending you lots of love ❤️
Hi Karianne, Gosh, did I need this today. I am sitting in our semi demolished flooded house of 25 years in Houston packing the upstairs for a move to the storage locker where all our worldly possessions reside. I sat down and gave myself a reward by reading about the Thistles. Being here is like visiting a corpse. But then I found a my own sky pictures when I found a letter my now 42 year old daughter wrote about the perfect guy when she was 10 and 1/2...exactly. Thanks for your blog and your perspective. Bought your book, and will reward myself when this is over... Keep your chin up...
Girl I am so...SO very proud of you! I truly am! You are so much stronger than you know.... What’s ahead is going to blow your socks off! 😘 b
Karianne, I know the poignancy of leaving a place. I lived in many countries that I didn't want to go to but when it was time to leave, I cried in every single one of them because I had learned to make them home. Your beautiful sky photo made me think of seeing skies like that when I was a little girl. I always thought that those rays of light meant that God was going to appear to me like s/he did to the saints. Maybe in a different way I was right. I do believe your daughter's image shall be my New Years Day screensaver! Tell Whitney her art will inspire me.
I know how you feel. I too moved from my home of nearly 40 years this past December, I now live in a wonderful 55 + neighborhood with fabulous neighbors. I'm trying very hard to reestablish myself. I have wonderful memories of the birth of my daughter, family dinners, & lots of holidays in my old home, which fit like an "old slipper". I didn't realize how hard it would be to move from my hometown & the home I loved so much! I've had a few emotional meltdowns, but I'm working through it all by joining bible study groups & participating in all the activities at the clubhouse. CINDY IN OKLAHOMA said it well, "Life is a series of adaptations, no?" So with God's help, I'll get through this & create new memories to cherish! Thanks for such an inspirational story. Jo
When children grow up in a loving, caring home such as yours they have an innocent look on life and can often times see the beauty around us when we only see the gray clouds. Am happy for you and your family and the new memories you will make in your new (old) home.
It wasn't AS IF you were leaving a part of you behind, you DID leave a part of you behind. We always do when we move, but I bet you are also very blessed to be taking a lot of friendships and memories with you! And our kids have a way of causing us to pause and think!
Awww cute Thistle!!! I wish we were neighbors ;) lol. Can you imagine?
Such a beautiful story. I hear your sadness. My husband is age 82 with Parkinson’s which he was diagnosed with 16 years ago. He just returned today from a golfing/fishing trip with friends to East Texas. In summer they did a golfing trip to Colorado Springs so he is still very active with helpful friends. I have a form of leukemia which progresses slowly but at some point we will not be able to manage a stand alone house in this wonderful small gated area where we now reside. It will be painful to leave. There is not a wonderful facility in which to move into in our small town. Clouds ahead but I will archive this story and read it when I think about your move. You are moving into the Dallas metroplex area, I think you said. We live about an hour from Dallas. There are many wonderful people and things to do and see in the Metroplex. You will make a very enjoyable and fulfilling life where you are moving because that is what you do . I moved several times as a child. My mom made each move an adventure as you will do for your family. So enjoy your blog. By the way, when I got to Baylor, I roomed with 2 friends from 2 different towns in which I had lived. So your children will flourish.
Thank you. Your daughter is a beautiful soul, and a lovely encourager. Sometimes there are so many things wrong that we don't see what is right and good and important. Your story with the photo made me tear up. God is with us through it all.
It's always sad to leave home. Especially when you have put so much effort and sweat into it. Leaving behind those walls that have absorbed all the sounds of laughter and tears and joy and shouting and apologies and all that humming can be heartbreaking. But those sounds have moved with you. And there will again be laughter and tears and joy and shouting and apologies and all that humming! Praying for you, sweet one. ❤
And that, my friend, is one of the many reasons I love you. You are authentic. Now... get that adorable little authentic and hilarious self of yours and that precious family back here this instant. We have so many new and funny memories to make to go along with all of our old ones. Chop chop sister. 😘
Oh man, KA - you've done it again. I am sitting here reading this and tears are streaming down my cheeks. Saying some prayers for you and yours as you deal with shutting those doors. But you know - it's all gonna be amazing! Hugs! ♥
KariAnne, Leaving a home is always hard for me, too. When we moved to our dream house we built thirty years ago, I still cried as I did the final cleaning of our previous house. It took months before the new house seemed like home, and I no longer missed my old house, even though we loved our new house. You are allowed to grieve the loss of the old, even though your new old house is an exciting house for new memories already being made. Judith
Just what I needed to read this morning! Thank you!
Lovely! You know, the saying "stop and smell the roses " is such a cliche.....but things become cliches because they are true, or relevant or wise. I'm glad you took that moment. It's also cliche to tell people that they should cherish every moment with their children because they grow up so quickly, but no truer words were ever spoken. I'm glad you know that, glad you have that precious girl, glad that you are always there for her. Even if not always totally in the moment. Because she won't remember that you turned the music up, that you were out of sorts, that you looked like a poodle and had shoes that smelled like poop. She will remember holding hands and looking at the sky. She will remember the million times you WERE totally in the moment. She will remember how loved she is. You are doing a great job.
I have to tell you. I can't help but feel sad too. And, you're right, it's just a house and there are bigger things to think of now. But still...it's where I first got to see the world through your eyes and fell in love with your farm-house and got told by a rockstar that I'm a rockstar too... But on to new adventures, right? I've had those days you described here. The one that sticks out in my mind was not so much all the things I did wrong that day or what I'd endured but what I remember is what the kids said to me on our way home after picking them up at the daycare. "Momma, you're scaring us." I immediately pulled over, apologized and hugged those two adorable little munchkins until they started squirming in my arms tightly wrapped around them. I wasn't supposed to scare them. I was their protector, their rock -- their only comfort and cushion at the time. I hadn't even asked them what kind of day they had. Things changed that day. In me. It made me a better person. And no matter what kind of day I had, I tried to make our time together special. I wasn't always successful but I tried. And I think that's what counts.
A very point post!, also reminds me of the house that we packed up and I was the last one in it. The final walk through.......so hard. I to said the same words, "it is just a house", "there are others that are going through worse". A year later and I still miss that home. We moved to the home I was raised in, we have done major remodeling, kitchen, added another bath, ( it only had one with a tub and a funky shower.) In this process we bought another home in the town where our son lives, approximately 200 miles away. A lovely home out in the country with acreage and lots of space, our someday retirement. Hoping that Someday is sometime very soon! :)
That made me cry and smile. I am sorry you have to say goodbye to Thistlewood. I too feel that packing up and moving is a daunting task, and leaving the known for the unknown. Praying for you, your family as you embark on new adventures.
you're quite wonderful thank you, again
Children are such good teachers are they not? I've often wondered what all I miss in life because I'm wrapped up in my own little world...
I sure am going to miss your beautiful house in Kentucky. It's so much more than a house. It's the ever charming, ever inviting Thistlewood. Lump in my throat. Oh, how things change, but change is good, right?! I so look forward to new chapters of amazing stories, renovations, decorating and family fun!! xoxo