Can we still be friends if I tell you I’ve never made a roast?
Really.
I’ve lived in this kitchen for three years and many other kitchens before that…..and none of them had ever seen a roast.
Until recently.
I’m not sure what started it. Maybe one too many nights of gas station pizza or macaroni and cheese or hot dog pot pie. Maybe I was inspired by Southern Living or those delicious pictures on Foodgawker or maybe I’ve always wanted to apply to be a contestant on the Next Food Network Star.
Whatever it was….whatever the reason…..I decided that the day had come…..
…..for my kitchen to meet its first roast.
So I began my roast making journey where all people head when they want to buy a cut of meat or paint a room or buy a garden hose or purchase a new set of all-weather tires.
I went to the mecca for all things roast related.
Wal-Mart.
And there my journey almost ended.
I stood staring at the Wal-Mart meat counter in absolute consternation. The roast selection was overwhelming. There were chuck roasts and round roasts and rib roasts and rump roasts.
It was too much.
Almost overwhelming.
I’m just a simple hot-dog pot pie girl…..trying to make dinner for my family.
A random Wal-Mart customer voted “most likely to cook a roast” saved the day and came to my aid. She was wonderful. She not only picked out a roast for me….she walked me over to the baby carrots and the onion soup mix and gave me specific instructions that included a crock pot and water and potatoes and sent me on my way.
And so I brought my roast and my onion soup mix and my baby carrots…..here.
Home to the kitchen that had never seen a roast before.
I faithfully followed the Wal-Mart roast guru’s instructions to the letter.
Then I turned the crock pot on and waited.
And waited.
I was so excited. Every now and then I would open up the lid and the water would bubble and the carrots would steam and the most delicious smells would waft out into the kitchen.
It was amazing.
After 5 hours of crock pot cooking…..I opened the lid and peered inside to see if it was done.
It didn’t look done.
It looked pink.
Yikes.
Was pink good?
Was it cooked?
Was it done?
I was stymied and stifled and confused and clueless.
And left with the question: “How is a person with absolutely no roast experience expected to tell if a roast is done?
So of course I did what anyone would do when faced with a cooking dilemma. I did what anyone would do with a possibly under cooked roast.
I placed it on a plate and covered it with foil and drove it to…..
…..gardening club.
Yep.
Gardening club.
Maybe not the brightest of ideas.
Maybe not my finest hour.
I’m not really sure why I thought the garden club members would have the answers. I don’t even know why I even thought that driving a roast to garden club would be a good idea. I just knew that I knew there were people at garden club. People who pruned hydrangea and grew azaleas and cross-pollinated day lilies and who I was pretty sure had a least once in their lifetimes……
…..cooked a roast.
And so my roast and I hightailed it to gardening club.
I walked in late to the meeting….harried and windblown and disjointedly lugging my foil-covered roast.
I sat down gingerly at the table and waited.
I waited for a lull in conversation and then I quickly raised my hand.
Nervously I cleared my throat.
“Ummmm……excuse me. I am really excited about making a container garden and all that and I can’t wait to learn all about it…
…..but I really need your help.”
Nonchalantly….I slowly removed the foil from the plate and pointed to the large hunk of meat with a random piece of carrot still clinging to it.
Silence and blank stares met my gesture.
You could have heard a pin drop in the room.
What had seemed like the most brilliant of plans back in my kitchen was sinking like the Titanic.
I braced myself and continued, “Can….can….umm….can you all tell me if this roast is done?”
No one spoke.
They just stared at me in disbelief.
As if the mere act of bringing a roast to garden club defied all reasonable thought and explanation.
As if this was going to be the talk of the county on Monday.
And then from the back of the room I heard a voice.
At last….I thought…..finally…..someone is going to help.
Some one would guide me and explain the unknown mysteries of the intricate task of cooking a roast until it was done.
Expectantly I turned to the elderly lady in the back of the room as she spoke again.
“How nice of you to bring a roast” she said with a sigh and an air of resignation.
“But dear…..cooking class is next week.” 🙂
My kitchen never saw that roast again.
It never even made it out of garden club.
We snacked on the well-done roast as we discussed our container gardens.
And then I left with my empty plate and stopped for gas station pizza on the way home. 🙂
PS My hutch and I are partying over at Miss Mustard Seed today. I’m the one with the earrings 🙂
Hahahahahah that is too funny!
LOL! I had a similar experience with lemon chicken--if you ever saw that episode of Everybody loves Raymond--yup, similar :) Love your hutch display. Can you tell me what paint color that is? THAT is the color I have been looking for my little corner hutch. Thanks! Kris
AAHHH! I can just smell it!
Hee hee...this me of the scene in Something To Talk about when Julia Roberts tells all of the ladies about their husband's affairs. Not sure if you are looking for real crock pot roast tips, or if you are done with that forever, but I'm gonna tell you any way. Every time you open the lid to a crockpot, you set the cook time back 30 minutes. So, next time...if you so choose to cook another roast, grab a chuck roast and cook for 6 hours on high without opening ;) Jess
well, I bet the garden club ladies loved it!
What a fun story to read this morning while enjoying my cup of coffee and the quiet before my kids thunder through the house! I've never cooked a roast either and I think that knowledge horrifies my mom. Thanks for a great start to the morning (much better than watching the morning news) and have a great day!
girl, you crack me up! I love your morning posts, they are the best way to start my day. My children appreciate them too as I am a bit nicer when I wake them on mornings that you have made me laugh :) You may be the talk of the county but they'll never call you the coward of the county.... just try getting that song out of your head!
Now this post was just too much fun! I could smell the roast when you took the lid off and I could hear the quietness as you asked your question to the garden club. Thank you for the laugh this morning!
Oh Sweet KariAnne! You never fail to entertain, girlfriend! LOL I'm so proud of you for trying that roast. You didn't say... did YOU like it??? --and most importantly, will you try again now that you know what well done looks like? That's one of my favorite ways to make a roast (w/ the onion soup & veggies!) Hmmm, might have to put that on the menu for the week. Hugs!!! ~Sally
Well, clearly it must have been a big success. Now, go back to Walmart so you can cook another one for your family. Kudos to you.♥
hi there my friend...i can put a different spin on it...we can still be friends because you made a roast lol...word of a vegetarian : ) hugs...
Kari - I loved seeing your gorgeous kitchen. Love, love, love it! And can I just say one thing? You my sweet and treasured friend are a nut! As I sit here reading this (and totally cracking up), I'm remembering you telling this story at supper at the conference. Now all you need to do is post that recipe for hot dog potpie!
Oh KariAnne, that is sooo funny!! I can just see that little lady telling you about cooking class being next week!! What an absolute HOOT!!! Have a blessed day!!
Hi Kari....I'm a huge, huge fan of your gorgeous blog...I used to have a cooking blog of my own, and can give you the best, NO FAIL crock pot pot roast recipe that I have prepared for my family for years and years. First, go back to Wal Mart and buy yourself a 3 plus pound CHUCK ROAST...these are usually the least expensive. That's the beauty of a crock pot: they tenderize even the cheapest pieces of meat. Stick that whole roast into your crock pot. Take one can of cream of mushroom soup, and spread it over the roast. Then take one envelope of onion soup mix and sprinkle it over. Then, take one can of Coke or Pepsi (never diet!) and pour it over everything. Put the lid on (never, ever take it off until cooking time is over!), and cook for 8 hours on low. Never on high. You will not believe how tender the meat comes out. I usually cook my vegetables separately (roasting potatoes and carrots in the oven is easiest), so that everything doesn't taste like the pot roast. I hope you enjoy my old recipe!
Oh, what fun those little old ladies must have had at the salon that Saturday! You were probably the talk of the town!
Bahahahaha!!!!! I don't eat beef, or I would be trying to duplicate that roast. Wish I had a picture of those ladies faces when you uncovered that roast. Hugs, Laura
Very cute story! Loved it!
Gorgeous kitchen! I love the circa 1918 on your table! Leslie
This is too funny! While reading it, I couldn't decided if this was real or you made it up! LOL!
I can ONLY make a roast in the crockpot. I won't even try cooking it in the oven, which is strange because that's the only way my mom cooked it while I was growing up. If you ever want to try it again, I've got some GOOD crockpot roast recipes. One is super simple and the other is a tad more complicated but it involves wine. Wine is always good! :-)
I do believe I can still hear those garden club ladies changing "bless her heart"! Kelly
You are a hoot!! ....how are with turkey?? ;)
oh my word Karianne you do the funniest things! So glad you have a blog so you can tell us all about it! :)
Kari, you are priceless!
I have been there, done that, but it has to cook sooooo long. I found the secret to a wonderful roast and have only shared it with a few and I can't believe I am getting ready to blurt out the best kept secret of all the roast cooking women/men before you....oh yeah and also all the expensive cookware mogals out there......you've been to the stores and seen those old looking speckled enamel roasters it seems everyone's G'mas use to have....they are the secret! You put a roast in there with some water, onions, carrots, potatoes whatever you like and like magic after about an hour at 350........TADA!
That's it! I have an enamel roasting pan, my mom had one, my grandma had one, etc. You brown the meat first, add water and the veggies, put the lid on and let it roast a couple of hours. Could. Not. Be. Simpler. Now if I could only make my Mom's gravy . . .
Oh, yeah. Use whatever seasonings you want on the roast as well. Garlic salt and pepper usually do it for me.
You are HILARIOUS. Love reading your posts!!
You are awesome!!! I LOVE that you drove your roast to Garden Club; I would SO do that! Thanks for the great giggle; you made my day!
Haaaa. I just snorted so loud when I re-read this for the 2nd time this morning. Oh my gosh this cracked me up. I just can't stop laughing. I guess it was done though.
You are so funny! I was going to say how easy a roast is to cook - especially in a crock pot. Garden Club! LOL I would have GOOGLED IT! hahaha!!! I use sirloin tip roast, but I don't buy meat at Walmart. I also brown mine in a skillet before placing in the crock pot. I don't think it comes out pink though. I fixed one a few weeks ago and it was delish! You are getting there! You don't have to be a gourmet cook. There are lots of things that are pretty easy and still healthy for your family. You might want to look up some more crock pot recipes. Pinterest, of course. LOL tina
That is just the funniest story! Love that old lady! You you feel intimidated if I told you that with a little help my 10 yo son can cook a roast?
Don't give up on your roast just yet! Next time you're at the Wal-Mart, buy a meat thermometer! :)
Kari...if you would just compile all of your "stories" together, the book would definitely be on the best seller's list!!!.....This story has to be one of my favorites!...Now, is the cooking class at your house next?...
Too Funny!! Did you learn how to cook a roast??
Karianne, I actually spit out my coffee when I first read the words "gardening club." You are too funny! :) Elena
I have never cooked one either. Thought I was alone in that fact. My hubby and I had too many roast dinners when we were kids, I don't ever want to see a roast again.
Karianne, You are a screamin' riot! I'd would have loved to have been at that garden club meeting too. Joyous Wishes, Linda
No, I cannot believe that's paper. Cute, cute silverware holders, indeed!!! But about that roast, oh my goodness, that is one funny story!!! You'll go down in history, "The day Karianne brought her roast to garden club!!!" Hmmm, I've used 3 sets of 3 exclamation points, what does that mean? I think it's all this talk about a crock pot roast, and how that has always been one of my all time favorite meals ever since I was a little girl. Now I want to go cook one. Love this post, you are one funny lady!
HAHAHAHAHA...........and your stand-up comic debut is when? where? You're the new Erma Bombeck.
At least you know when to cut your loses! which apparently wasn't a loss as all... I can laugh with you on this one because I don't cook meat well myself. Spent 20 years running away from it - but I did find one recitipe that turns out wonderfully - so now I make a roast once a year whether I need it or not.
Oh, Karianne!!! LOLOL You should have at least taken a picture of it to show your family! Apparently it was a hit - now you can re-create it! You go, girl!!
You are a hoot with a gorgeous home!! I took away two ideas today.... Love at first site!
What a funny story! I'm still laughing! You sound like me! I would always call my Mother for help! I remember calling her and asking how do you "milk" corn for creamed corn? Milk, seriously! I thought that came from a cow! I completely understand your post! So cute! I love your kitchen! It's far too pretty to mess up cooking in it! I say go out to eat!
My dear BFF, I think that we need to talk, again,about my coming to live in your pantry. I'm not certain that I can make it before the holidays but I can move in sometime in early 2013. We can drink wine..and make roast...and garden Although, it sounds as if you've got the roast thing "covered". Then you can move to my house and teach me about shutter walls and drop cloth curtains and table runners...and we can mourn my lack of roadside finds or a really "GOOD" Goodwill. Oh, and don't worry, your kitchen won't miss roast if you decide that one roast is "enough". Kitchens view roast like relatives. Mine only sees roast a couple of times a year and never complains a bit. Kitchens view take out pizza and drive through roast beef sandwiches as friends. They'd see them every day if they could. Go with me on this...it's the story that I tell myself (and my family) EVERY DAY! xo, Kimberly P.S I do try to bake occasionally. Mainly because I worry that there will be a spontaneous dust fire in the oven if I don't. P.P.S I heard that the Historical Society is going to invite you to their meeting next month. They want turkey. ;)
you told it! bwahhhh! One of many stories I've head that caused me to choke on a piece of ice when I heard it! Well done Kari, well done...get it...well done. ;) Love ya and your beautiful, quirky, random, hilarious sense of humor my friend! Heather
Oh K that was hilarious. I've been taking a serious blog break, maybe for the whole winter, or a year, or forever, not sure. Anyway, I clicked in and read your post about the roast (couldn't resist) today and so glad I did. As always, you've made me smile. I'm sure someone has told you by now, but just in case, it is a great idea to give any red meat, a quick browning on the stove top before placing it in the crock pot, not a corned beef though. Crock pot corn beef is sooo the way to go. This is all from memory though because I've been a vegetarian for years now :) I had an experience like that where I went through the ringer to get to my dentist app't on time and then apologized all over myself for being 15 minutes late. After sitting there for about 30 min, they finally came over and explained my app't was the next day. I was actually quite early!
I have tears streaming down my face, omg you are hilarious. But I must tell you - I learned to cook very young due to my mother's poor health, so I cooked for a family of 7 since I was 14. When I was a freshman I cooked Thanksgiving dinner - the whole thing alone - for 20 people. I am woman (well girl back then) hear me roar, right? But to this day I gotta tell you that roasts are difficult. To start out your cooking experience you picked a difficult one. It's never been a good one for me - so I do stews and Beof Bourg, but just a roast? Not too often, hubs does more often than I do b/c sometimes they're just not tender enough! Just sayin. Roasting anything else is much less stressful imho - like turkey or chicken or even a pork tenderloin......less room for error than beef roasting! LOL I still have tears on my face, talk about a great hardy laugh, I adore you, girl! You have such a way with words. And if my kitchen was as pretty as yours I would order take out all the time not to mess it up- it's stunning, really. ♥
Seriously, you CRACK ME UP!! I've never cooked a roast either, but maybe you've inspired me to give it a whirl! But what I really wanna know more about is the hot dog pot pie! :) p.s. I LOVE your kitchen!! Those light fixTures are GORGEOUS!!
That was the funnest post I have seen all morning. I cant believe you drove it to Garden club! I have made roasts all my life. Ina has a great recipe for a roast. Try using red wine and lots of herbs, onion garlic and some diced tomatoes. Brown your roast in the morning and your onions and garlic and put it on low in a crook pot and forget about it all day. When it falls apart its done. I always Google anything I don't know how to do. Its a little easier than bringing it to Garden club, maybe not as funny! Thanks for sharing....so funny
Oh gosh Karianne, this was the funniest story! I could totally envision you uncovering that hunk of meat and the stares that followed, hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh.
I grew up with a very English grandfather, so we would frequently have a Sunday roast. We always had to have yorkshire puddings, mashed potatoes, gravy and a medium rare roast. It was divine. I still make it for my family. I usually use the meat thermometer to tell if it's done to our liking, but it's always a gamble. It's a fine art to getting a roast (or steak for that matter) completely done to everyone's preference-med rare, well done etc. Now I'm craving a roast-time to raid the freezer! Of course, what would be better is if I could cook it in a kitchen as beautiful as yours. Now that's a kitchen that could inspire me to cook many a scrumptious meal!
Don't know about your roast, but your hutch is amazing! Usually I'm more into lots of color, but this is gorgeous.
That was funny, KariAnne! And your hutch is gorgeous. It sounds, in the end, that your roast was a success if everyone at the garden club scarfed it down. It's always a good idea to use a meat thermometer--you can get them at any grocery store--and stick it into the middle of the hunk of meat when you think it's about done or ought to be done. A roast needs to reach a minimum internal temperature of 145 degrees F to be safe to eat, but you can cook it to a higher temperature if you like your meat well done. The USDA puts out a little chart online that tells you the correct temperature for any type of meat you might want to cook if you want to try other things. You can also, before you put it in the crock pot, brown the meat in a skillet in some oil on the stovetop to give it a little browned color, then finish it in the crock pot if you like, or put it in the oven and roast it there. I hope you give another roast a try--it sounds like your first was a hit!
Priceless! And I"m sure you were the talk of the county. But truly, Karianne, I feel so sorry for your family. They had to smell the delicious smells and then eat PIZZA?!?! Will you let them eat it the next time you make one? It is really easy to make, though, isn't it. A meat thermometer would be a good thing to invest in dear Karianne. Hugs, Cindy
Having met you now and seen firsthand what an amazingly funny and fun loving gal you are, this totally cracked me up! I hated roast growing up as a kid, and I rarely cook one. If I do, it's in the crock pot with something to disguise what it really is. I had read somewhere once if you have nothing planned for supper you should cook some onions on the stove so the air fills with the air of food and you have time to figure out what the heck you should cook! Try it!
I agree with Leslie (she posted a comment) on one way to cook a roast. I've been married a long time and cooked my first roast last year for a pot-luck style Thanksgiving family dinner. I used a recipe in the Costco cookbook. It's cooked in the oven. Turned out perfect, and I even made gravy. Much easier than I thought it would be. Delicious!
You're one up on me!! Jim cooks the roast at our place.. and most all of the "meat". I'm the side prep girl ;)
Now that is an excellent story. And Now I am craving a roast. If I have time to go to the store this week, I'll buy one for my crockpot and Sunday dinner. My honey will be thrilled. In fact all my little honies will be thrill. They are all happy little carnivors. Mmmm. Now I have happy Sunday dinner thoughts. Thanks :)
Karianne, I use to make my pot roast in a crock pot, but now I make it one of those clear cooking bags you buy in a box at the grocery store. The kind that come with little plastic thingies to tie around it. So if per chance your kitchen sees a roast again, you might try my way. You're supposed to scatter flour in the plastic sack. But while my roast is browning in the skillet, I put part of a packet or all of a packet of brown gravy mix in instead. Then you hold the top together and shake it to coat the whole inside. Then I take my browned roast (I usually go with rump roast) and put it inside, which is really on the "side" of the bag, as you're going to lay it that way inside your casserole dish (or whatever you use). I then put carrots and potatoes on top and then sprinkle a packet of onion soup mix and some more of that brown gravy mix. This makes your gravy for you. Then I put in the oven. On the baking sack box, it will tell you how long to cook. Expect, depending on the size, about four hours. Brenda
you had me at .. can we still be friends? girl we ALL have our flaws...roast is over rated anyhow gas station pizza ROCKS;0 xoxo
You are too funny, Karianne! Let me share a super easy recipe. It is a pot roast cooked in a crockpot. You will need: well-marbled chuck roast (these are inexpensive cuts)-- the more fat running through the meat the more tender it will be 1/2 to 1 can cream of mushroom soup 1 envelope dry onion soup mix 1/2 c. (you can add more) water Pop the roast in the crockpot. Mix the remaining ingredients & pour over the roast. Put the lid on and start cooking on high until the liquid gets bubbly, and then turn to low. Allow it to cook for 5 or 6 hours. It will be falling apart when it's done. Our favorite accompaniments are creamy mashed potatoes (topped with some of the soup from the crockpot) & sweet baby peas with salt & pepper & butter. Your family will bow in your presence & do your bidding (maybe even the dishes) after you serve them this meal! Carol
lol! Oh, you poor girl! Ok....I am by NO means a cook by any stretch of the word. BUT I can do the crock pot thing. Once you do it, you'll find yourself getting more and more adventurous with what herbs and spices you throw in there. I cook venison roasts all the time, sometime using French onion soup mix with a variety of veggies, and other times I dump in a pint of our homemade salsa or stewed tomatoes for a whole nother trip for your tastebuds. I usually get it going first thing in the morning and let it cook on slow alllllll day long. A good 6-8 hours. It turns out tender and juicy and perfect every single time. You really can't go wrong with the good o'l crock pot! :) Your's must'ave been awfully good for you to come home with an empty pot. lol! xoxo laurie
I absolutely loved your post!! What a great story!! I am not the best cook but I set a mean table!! I love your hutch and kitchen,but most of all your sense of humor!
This is one of the funniest posts I've ever read! I am sitting here *snorting" with laughter! Oh - and your photos are gorgeous. :-)
You crack me up. I love reading your post and your kitchen is to die for. I'm in ah of it every time you feature it in one of your post. I've never cooked a roast but next time your at Walmart pick up a prob thermometer. Stick that bugger in your roast. If it hits 165 degrees your roast is done.
Shame on that lady for not offering you some advice - she's probably cooked 1000 roasts and she couldn't even utter a few tips?! Bless your heart ;) Next time text me a pic and I'll let you know if it's done ;) I like to brown my roasts in a pan before putting them in the crock pot.
OMG you made me laugh so hard - but really, other than the pink roast thing, you didn't take it to gardening class right? That was a joke?? Please?? Kari what on earth am I going to do with you! https://allrecipes.com/recipe/awesome-slow-cooker-pot-roast/ My contribution to your family's stomachs. Enjoy! xox
This is so funny... roast is one of the things I actually know how to make because my mother made it all the time. I use the same onion soup mix and add in carrots and cut up red potatoes with my roast. I love to put it in the crock pot in the morning and come home to it at the end of a long day at work... yum. Visiting from Kim's...
Sweet friend, I dare say if your mission in life is to simply make us laugh out loud while our husbands are watching some nameless TV show, so he questions what we are reading and we have to reply "Oh, nothing, dear" - if THAT is your mission, you have indeed succeeded. Thanks. :) xxoo
way cool..I am going to make those utensil holders for the holidays!!! Love that idea and all your ideas. XOXOX
So funny sweet friend ! Just remember , next time, once that lid is on the crockpot - STEP AWAY FROM THE CROCK POT LADY !! And don't peek until it's done !! 9 or 10 hours later on LOW ! You can't overcook on LOW !
Oh my gosh, your stories are so much fun - they always make me LOL! Next time you're at Wal-Mart, pick up a meat thermometer... Will save the day every time! :-)
Love this story! It could have been told by me...I must get your hotdog pie recipe! That would be a welcome treat here!
Kari-you are the most amazing storyteller I have ever met! No one else could tell a story about cooking a roast like you. I love your kitchen and your hutch, the colors and display are beautiful.
Oh my! If I were you, I'd find a local farmer and buy your beef directly from the farm. It is DELICIOUS!
You are SUCH a hoot, Kari.....hahhhaaa.....
What a bloody funny story.......................
Roasts are so easy...I used to make them all the time...Yummy...You're so funny...
I did not read the comments to see if anyone else suggested this but go to The Pioneer Womans site and find her roast recipe. It isnt done in the crock pot- you cook it in the oven - so for me this is only a weekend- Sunday afternoon starting meal... BUT to me after cooking ALL my roasts in the crockpot for a long time- it is THE BEST roast.. Just found your site- cant wait to dig in
I agree, chuck roast is the best. Place 1 chopped onion in bottom of crock, sprinkle 1 pouch onion soup mix on both sides Of roast. Lay roast on top of onion. Cook on low all day. Thicken juices with 2 tbls. Cornstarch dissolved in A few tbs. Soy sauce. Great workday meal! Serve with mashed potatoes!
Oh my so funny Karianne! So I am guessing you have not made a turkey? xx Anne
Hi Karrianne If you ever want to part with that little bunny plate on your dresser there's a dresser here in Australia who really really wants no needs it so just send it on down and I'll look after it. Kind Regards Karen
I'm just catching up on blogs i follow... and reading this... and lusting after your pic's... and smiling. Thanks for keeping it real. Now go buy a lovely pork roast, put in crock pot first thing in the morning with just some salt, pepper and a sprinkle of Tony Chacere cajun seasoning and at the end of the day you'll have another wonderful meal that was made in minutes... (we just tear the roast apart with a couple of forks - eat as is, add some bbq sauce or put in tortillas with grilled veggies for fajitas - you'll get several meals out of it). Keep making us smile!
i truly laughed out loud when i read this....you are SO refreshing!!!!!
I am visiting from Miss Mustard Seed tonight. I came to look at your pretty furniture........then I got sidetracked. The story of you taking your roast to the garden club is the funniest story I've heard in a long time. I am sitting alone in my living room trying to keep my cracking up laughter quiet so my family won't think I've lost my mind. (I have a very loud laugh; my husband has on occasion ''shhhhhhh'd" me in the movie theater. I think I embarrass him)! Anyway....I almost tinkled my pants! Let me tell you something. You may not be able to cook but your kitchen is BEAUTIFUL! You can totally redeem yourself by inviting the garden party ladies to your house!
There is something seriously wrong with you...AND I LOVE IT! Thanks for the story and thanks to all the ladies that responsed with "roast recipes"!
LOVED the story, :0... it is a HOOT!!! Hope you had fun @ MM, She is a "Sweetie" just like you! <3