When I was younger and these four were still wearing shoes that velcroed and sitting in car seats that buckled and watching purple dinosaurs and eating fruit that rolled up…

…one day I had a melt down.

I can’t remember why.

I think someone pushed someone and told them they were a dummy and someone spilled red kool-aid all over the floor and someone else tried to clean it up with my sweater and someone else stepped in and walked red kool-aid footprints all over the house.

And I yelled.

And I scolded.

And people cried.

And I felt like a failure.

And right in the middle of scolding myself and wringing out my sweater and mopping up kool-aid footprints with paper towels attached to an old broom handle, my father showed up.  I burst into tears.  “I’m a terrible mother,” I told him.  “I yelled at them—and not just a little yell.  A yell that sounded like it came from one of those sea creatures on Land of the Lost.  I can’t DO THIS.”

He hugged me as I cried and cried and cried and got tears and runny nose all over his shirt.  When I was done, I sniffed and wiped my tears away with the corner of his shirt and he looked at me in the eyes and said this to me, “You don’t have to be the best mother on the planet.  You don’t have to be perfect.  You don’t have to get it all right the first time.  You just have to show up.  And try.  And when you fall down?”

“You have to show up again.”

Our littlest twin, Whitney, is a dancer.

You know.

The kind that dances in the rain and points her toes when she’s watching the Bachelor and spins down the hall and leaps up the stairs and twirls like no one is watching.  She tried out for drill team last year and made junior varsity.

All year she twirled and danced and wore a uniform that looked like this.

See that smile?

It’s because she’s thinking about dancing.

But this year is different.

This year is a little scarier.

This year is challenging.

Why?  Because she’s trying out for varsity.  The official team.  The team that goes out onto the middle of the football field during half time and does high kicks and line routines and double turns and jumps up in the air in unison and lands in the splits.

And she’s nervous and trying to be brave and act like she has this.


Except sometimes she worries she doesn’t.

This week she stood in the middle of the kitchen showing us her dance.

She’d start it and forget it and look sheepishly at us and try it again.

And again.

And again.

She’d miss her turn or she’d step on the wrong foot or she’d realize we were watching her and get nervous.

After a few minutes of watching, my husband stood next to her in the kitchen.

“Show me,” he said.  “Show me the dance.  I want to learn.”

She giggled and laughed and rolled her eyes and told her dad she wasn’t sure if he’d make the team.

And then?

She showed him how to stand in second position.

And point his toes.

And spot his head.

And raise his arms.

And together they twirled.

Because my dad was right—that’s what being a parent is all about.

It’s not about being perfect.

It’s not about getting it right the first time.

It’s not about never making a mistake.

It’s about being an example.  It’s about being there through the homework and the red kool-aid and the baseball games and the science fairs and the teenage drama and the tears and the laughter….

….and showing up for every single twirl.

PS  A long time ago in a blog far away I wrote this post about two tiny golden-haired girls and dancing with Cinderella.

Looks like they are all still dancing.

PPS  Today is my birthday and this was the best present ever. 🙂

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    1. Image for Carol Carol

      Happy Birthday dear friend, not because we are from the same state, not because you are even close to retirement (like me), or because you drink sweet tea (I like unsweetened with a wiff of artificial sweetner), or my home even remotely resembles all you've taught me, but because every post speaks to me with a wisdom wise beyond your years. And oh yeah, you show up! When my days are long, when I remember my own failures and triumphs , and when I wish a friend were near, or my dog gets sick on my carpet, you show up!!! And it all gets better. Have a wonderful birthday! Carol

  1. Image for CathyAnn CathyAnn

    May your birthday be as fun, beautiful and unique as YOU! Sending wishes for a day full of all that makes your heart happy and soothes your soul.

  2. Image for Barbara Barbara

    Happy happy Birthday!! Anything with the kids is the best gift for sure♥ Love that your sweet hubby did that- made her smile and forget her worries if just for a little bit. Good Luck!! My granddaughter who is 4 is showing me how to do some dance moves and when I get it right she praises me and claps- love her!!!♥

  3. Image for Kim Hume Kim Hume

    Oh, this is just so beautiful!! We had the same scenario in our kitchen just last night with our sweet girl showing us her knew dance moves from class. She has a daddy just like this. I'm so thankful for how he continues to show up for us! Happy Birthday, KariAnne!!

  4. Image for Anna Quinn Anna Quinn

    Happy birthday, KariAnne! Such a great example of showing up. All we can do is be there and try our best! Love your stories! And your style!

  5. Image for Linda Linda

    First, Happy Happy Birthday! Karianne, from my point of view, every day is a birthday gift to you. I know you have the same difficulties all of us go through. However, I have never ever seen a person with more happy endings than you have. Know why that is? Because you are the kind of person that makes the rest of us realize we have to MAKE our happy endings ourselves. My, what a wonderful gift you both get and give because make us all realize that we can wear red lipstick, gold hoops and yoga pants too! Thank you.

  6. Image for Wendy Sue Wendy Sue

    Well, Happy Birthday Beautiful Lady! You deserve the wonderful blessings you already have in your life! God is so good and faithful and loves you dearly - you’re His beloved - and He’s so proud of you! ❤️

  7. Image for Davia Davia

    Hi KariAnne, Your Dad was a wise man! Parenting is the toughest job, and the most rewarding. Sending prayers for a successful tryout for Whitney, and a very Happy Birthday for you!

  8. Image for Becky Becky

    Showing up, listening, and most of all loving while watching your daughter teach her dad dance steps. Birthdays don’t get much better than that! Happy day!

  9. Image for Shelly Shelly

    Happy Birthday 🎂! I cried reading this. My Father would do this with me! He was in a band that traveled on weekends. It was not his job, just fun for him. We had music constantly.! He recorded when he played and then would listen to it to hear what needed improvement. We had a big record player and he would put on songs he wanted to learn, he could play by ear. I spent a lot of time dancing while I stood on his feet and just plain old dancing with him! He would spin me around, and dip me. So fun! Then he would let me play beauty shop and fix him up. Makeup and hair! I so miss those days! Enjoy your birthday!

  10. Image for Mary Mary

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE VERY SWEET LADY!! I'm betting she makes it to the team!!!! And he Dad too! Loved this pictures. God has Blessed this Home!!

  11. Image for Cheryl Cheryl

    Happy birthday! I hope that you have a wonderful day. Your dad was right. The most important part of being a parent is being there for them. My "baby" girl is 27 now and I know that I made mistakes along the way - but she survived them! And she's a thriving, productive member of society. And she's absolutely wonderful - and I am in no way prejudiced. lol They do survive our mistakes. The other important part - besides the being there - is to love them. It's extremely evident that you love your children. They'll be fine - and so will you. Again - happy birthday!

  12. Image for Peg Peg

    Happy Birthday KariAnne!! Wishing you all the contentment, health and love you so dearly deserve!!! xoxoxo p.s. Whitney's got this!!!!!

  13. Image for Regina Wilson Regina Wilson

    Happy Birthday! Thank you for reminding me about being a parent. Sometimes I feel like I was not a good parent. I know different, but we all have bad days..

  14. Image for Eileen Eileen

    Happy Birthday to you! It looks as if you receive birthday presents every day with a father, husband and family like that. Bless you.

  15. Image for Jeanie Dancer Jeanie Dancer

    Happy Birthday Beautiful! May your day be full of lots of love and laughter. You certainly brighten our days. Please keep us informed on Whitney. Praying she makes the team!

  16. Image for Donnie Donnie

    Happy Birthday, KariAnne! May your day be as joyous as you have made mine. From tears in my eyes thinking of when I yelled - to big smiles seeing Mr. Brown Eyes be the awesome father your children deserve: you make my heart smile. Have a blessed year, and thank you for each smile you have brought into my life. You are a treasure. 💖

  17. Image for Debbie BJ Debbie BJ

    Happy Birthday, Thank you for the gift, I to have times when I feel I am a terrible mother and you reminded me that it's about showing up and trying and being there for them. I wish all kids in the world had a father like your kids do. Thank you for the beautiful story.

  18. Image for Revonda Revonda

    Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day! Your writing makes me laugh and cry and makes me realize that every day is a blessing - you just have to look for it sometimes.

  19. Image for Linda Linda

    A Great Big Happy Birthday ! You are TRUELY blessed to have such a wonderful Dad ! Good Luck to Whitney ! She will do It all for sure !

  20. Image for Loryl Loryl

    Happy Birthday!!!! What a great present. Seeing Whitney in her jazz shoes so reminds me of my niece at that age dancing for her high school squad. Good times. Best of luck to her at try outs! And your husband is a real keeper and such a great dad. You’ll all remember that moment forever🥰

  21. Image for Nancy Nancy

    Howdy: I've been following your posts for a couple of years...love the humor, the wisdom, the awesome photography and the excellent design! My little girl tried out for JV and had never danced before. Four years later, she's HS team captain and showing up many, many hours a week for her team. I'm the proudest Mama ever:-) However, her Dad is not a dancer and so I'm quite quite impressed with your husband for what looks like a great start on the dance routine! Thanks for sharing your life with all of us. Best regards from the other side of the country. Nancy

  22. Image for Carol Carol

    Happy Birthday, my sweet friend! I hope you have a fabulous day. I’ve been a bit on the back burner but I still catch most of your blogs. Your story reminds most of us mothers that we aren’t perfect, but in the end it will be alright.

  23. Image for Richella Parham Richella Parham

    These photos make my heart swell!! I know you miss your dad, but wasn't God good to give you such a good man to be a dad to your girls?? Happy, happy birthday, dear KariAnne. May you be blessed with the best year ever--and many more!

  24. Image for Roberta Roberta

    I’ve always felt a strong connection with you...not simply because I relate so well to your beautiful spirit and am always touched by your heartfelt stories....or because I love your sense of style and decor...it was something more personal and I just couldn’t put my finger on it ....until today! I too am married to the love of my life... the funniest,friendliest and most loving man I’ve ever known...and today is his Birthday too!! There is something to be said for how the stars affect our lives ...and when I met my husband... he reminded me so much of myself...it was really weird...so when I found out that his Birthday was the day before mine... it made sense! So now the mystery is solved... we are all Pisces together ... all showing up and doing the best we can! The Happiest of Birthdays to one of my favorite people... thanks for showing up for all of us... touching our lives with your magic! Roberta

  25. Image for Kris Kris

    Oh, that husband of yours! What a sweet daddy he is! You started life with a wonderful man and you are doing life with another rock star. Thank you for your honesty about the tough parts of parenting. It's probably human nature to want to appear like we have it all together all of the time, but no one can be that pulled together! That's where grace comes in. :)

  26. Image for Michele M. Michele M.

    As always, you nailed it and my heart is thumping hard in my chest from the love. Your husband is a gem, your father was a gem - and you've done so well. Whit is gorgeous and has the most beautiful smile. She will make Varsity - I know she will! And - last but not least, may this be your best birthday ever. Good health, peace, joy and fun be yours all year. Happy Birthday, KA. Hugs.

  27. Image for Lynn Mosher Lynn Mosher

    Way to go, Whitney! You can do it! Just do your best and you'll be great. Look forward to hearing the yes outcome. KariAnne, when little ones fill your day, it is difficult. And difficult not to have a meltdown. It is just being there for our kids, through it all. Being there even when the wedding that was supposed to have a life-long commitment ends in divorce. Being there through sickness and health issues and loss of job/s and threat of eviction and...all the rest. All we can do as parents is show up and do our best to help. Which sometimes requires being silent. You are a great mother. Just look at those four wonderful humans you've brought into this world. Those four who are soon emerging into adulthood with all that you've taught them. Your proud buttons will pop every day! And happiest of all birthdays! You are amazing and I pray your day is amazing as well. May the blessings of heaven overwhelm you! ❤

  28. Image for Diane Diane

    Through the initial gasp, then the bursting heart, then the laughter and tears of joy, how could you possibly even think to pull out your phone and then hold it steady for those keepsake pictures? I'm so grateful you did and then shared the story and pics with your faithful family of friends and followers.

  29. Image for Jenn Jenn

    I love this, it gave me tears in my eyes! Praise God for a husband that shows up too! I am also blessed with a dancing in the kitchen kind of husband! May we never take that for granted! Have an amazing Birthday!!


    Happy, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Looks like you had the best present of all-seeing the smile on your children's faces and your husband dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Image for Shelia P. Shelia P.

    Hi KariAnne! Happy birthday, birthday girl!! I hope you have a joy and love filled day! ❤️. What a wise and wonderful father you had and now to be so lucky to have a wise and wonderful father for your children! He was totally right, it’s all about showing up, being present in these very formative years. Whitney will have that memory of teaching her dad her dance routine for the rest of her life. You’ve really been blessed KariAnne. 😊. I hope you have a great fun filled day!

  32. Image for David David

    As one Sleestak to another - Happy Birthday!!!!!!!! What a terrific post and your husband is kinda brilliant - that's a genius way to help someone I hope your daughter nails her try0ut.

  33. Image for Debra Matcovich Debra Matcovich

    Your story brought me back in time. After your fathers comment I needed the tissue box. I guess it was a little bit about thinking of my dad with a combination of thinking about my children when they went through the trials and tribulations of school sports. Making the varsity, which wasn’t easy for my daughter. She didn’t make it at first. She came home crying and so did I. The advice we gave her was show them they are wrong. So while playing in the Jr Varsity games she proved to them she was worthy to move up. She did her best. Good luck with your daughter’s new endeavor.

  34. Image for Alice Hanson Alice Hanson

    KariAnne, Another wonderful and touching story! You two are wonderful parents also! I love those pictures! Happy happy Birthday! Smiles, Alice

  35. Image for Sherry Sherry

    Happy birthdayMiss Adorable. I think you are still young. Your posts always take me back to when my babies were little. I think you two are amazing parents and I love your posts about real life.

  36. Image for Kathleen Kathleen

    I LOVE this ~ especially the pics of Whitney and her Dad! How astute he is to have known that her skills (and confidence) would be off the charts if she was teaching the steps and moves! And it’s my birthday month too ~ but my day is missing because it’s Leap Year ... ! *Happy Birthday* dear one! You are gifted every day with God’s continued blessings on your sweet family ... thanks for gifting us, too.

  37. Image for Jessica Lardinais Jessica Lardinais

    Happy Birthday, lovely one! I especially like this because by your husband asking to be taught, it probably helped put her in a new mindset...where she KNOWS she's got it! When you have to teach, suddenly you become "extra" and you get more confidence and pointier toes and a straighter back and bigger smile. That was so smart for him to ask her to show him. Then she can slow down, not get overwhelmed with choreography and "own it". I'm sure God used him to help her that way. Great dad moment (both earthly and heavenly!)

  38. Image for Christie Titus Christie Titus

    Happy Birthday! I needed this post today....it doesn't get any easier does it? Even when they go away to college.

  39. Image for Sherry Sanders Sherry Sanders

    Happy Birthday Kari. May God bless you abundantly this coming year as you seek His face and obey His voice. This post brought tears to my eyes as I remember my dad doing a ballet practice with me. He passed away when I was 10 but the memories we made in those few years as he just showed up will last me a life time (and I am almost 70). I loved this post most of all.

  40. Image for Marjorie Marjorie

    Happy Birthday to you! Cheering for Whitney (and you)! I understand when our children are trying out for these things how Moms feel. I went through this with cheerleading in high school and college with our daughter. She wasn’t nervous each year at tryouts but I was!😊

  41. Image for Debbie Esparza Debbie Esparza

    Happy Birthday! You are blessed to have had a wonderful father, and doubly blessed with your lovely husband.

  42. Image for Ann Ann

    Happy Birthday, KariAnne! You guys are the best! I enjoy getting to know you and your family through your writings. Please let us know how it goes for your daughter! Love, Ann

  43. Image for Denise V Cox Denise V Cox

    Well, Happy Birthday Missy poo poo!! And to think our b'days are only six days apart! No wonder I love you to pieces, my fellow Aquarian!!! Have a great and special day with the family!! And... I know you are absolutely loving having hubby " within arms reach" now. That alone is a terrific present. 🎁💗 All the best to Whitney!! She'll do it.!!

  44. Image for Marianne Marianne

    Happy Birthday KariAnne!! This post brought tears to my eyes.....so sweet. We all feel the same way about parenthood at one time or another. Your doing great. Have an amazing birthday❤️

  45. Image for Linda Linda

    Happy Birthday!! Seems like both you and your husband showed up just fine! :-) It takes a village - and your dad was showing up - every day - even when you were all grown up! What a blessing to have wonderful parents.

  46. Image for Yvette Yvette

    Happy Birthday to you! 🥳 I love that your husband did that!! And I love that your dad did that!! And I love that you all “show up”!! ♥️

  47. Image for Erin Kaven Erin Kaven

    You made us all fall in love with your husband today! That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard! Happy Birthday you lucky daughter, wife and mother!

  48. Image for Beth Minger Beth Minger

    Happy Birthday, Karianne thanks once more for sharing your beautiful life - tears and runny nose and all - just remember we think you're the BEST!😍

  49. Image for Donna Donna

    Another great memory & getting a photo means they can never forget it. A good birthday & some birthdays are easily forgotten.

  50. Image for Suzanne Churchwell Suzanne Churchwell

    Happy birthday! I hope it’s as wonderful amd bright as you make my days with your words.❤️🎂

  51. Image for Teresa G Teresa G

    Happiest of birthdays, sweet Karianne! Yesterday was mine, so I am one day and a "few" years older than you! And I got to have my youngest daughter fly in from up north to spend it with me, and to help me paint my kitchen cabinets and install a backsplash, because you have inspired me to try to do things I haven't done before. Thank you for always making us smile and dream!

  52. Image for Beth Beth

    Happy Birthday:) I read your post and cried. My "little girl" is all grown up and getting married in May. I think about all the times when our children were growing up-I hope I got some things right, I know I was not perfect but I do think I have been there for them. So, when her dad walks her down the isle I will smile and remember all the wonderful times I've had as a mom and how proud I am of both of our children.

  53. Image for Joy Pinkerton Joy Pinkerton

    Happy birthday KariAnne!! Love you to the moon and back! I’ve been reading your blog forever and a day!! Have a wonderful time today!! You rock! 😉

  54. Image for julie gress julie gress

    I am so glad I got to see who sparkly eyes is. You are great and you have a great family!! Happy birthday!

  55. Image for Pat Pat

    Happy Birthday sweet friend! And best wishes to Whitney for varsity tryout. She has the biggest fan club behind her. xo Pat

  56. Image for PJ PJ

    Happy Birthday! This was a gift to me and it isn't my birthday. I just needed something sweet today, so thanks for sharing.

  57. Image for Lorri Lorri

    Happy Birthday to you Mrs Rock Star!!!!! I sent that song to my Son who has two little girls 4 and 2 .What a tear jerker that is..shows how time goes so quickly by. Thank you for sharing

  58. Image for Sherry Darlington Sherry Darlington

    What a blessing you are to your family & the world! There probably isn't a mother out there that hasn't been where you were. Happy birthday to you. Yesterday was my 70th birthday & I cannot imagine where the days of red kool aid & purple dinosaurs went. Enjoy every minute!

  59. Image for KATHY B KATHY B

    Happy Birthday Karianne!!!..Nice memories of "The Dance"..My mothering skills are now being practiced on grandchildren!!When my husband and I baby sit them, we need the wisdom you gain over the years!!..Your children are blessed to have you as MOM!!!

  60. Image for Maria St. John Maria St. John

    Thank you KariAnne for that beautiful and true story! It brought a smile to my face and lightened my heart.

  61. Image for Carrie Carrie

    Happy Birthday 🎉 May your blessings continue with lots and lots of moments that are private,sweet and just yours. Your gift...and then you share those moments with us, and that’s the gift you give us. Every.day. You show up and share!! Cheers to a bigger year of joy than last year!!

  62. Image for Linda Linda

    Happy birthday friend! Your children are fortunate to have a mother like you, one who is there for them and by their side cheering them on. Hope you day was wonderful. Good luck to Whitney. And way to go hubby.

  63. Image for Nancy Nancy

    Happy Birthday you precious friend via the computer. I love your blog and look forward to the stories. My ballerina is now way grown up with dancers of her own. I love them so and being able to share in the events of their lives. Thank you for capturing moments and highlighting JOY!

  64. Image for Leslie Watkins Leslie Watkins

    You are so much like your sweet Dad, my friend. What a precious memory of rescue and encouragement. And I understand why you love Denny. He’s much like your Dad. Encouraging. Engaging. Involved. Providing his daughter with just what she needs. Truly this is the best birthday gift ever. Touches the heart in ways nothing else can. Tell Ms. Whitney I am rooting for her from Kentucky!! And Happy Birthday, KariAnne!!

  65. Image for Anne Anne

    I don't know how you do it Karianne, but everytime I read one of your uplifting and inspirational 'notes of daily life' I end up crying into my coffee! Memories like these are the most precious and will live on forever. Keep them close and as you say what a wonderful birthday present from your family to just watch a dad being exactly what their kid needs - present :) I hope you have a wonderful birthday and good luck to your daughter!

  66. Image for Claudia A Claudia A

    Ugh! Isn’t that just like a Dad, to say the best thing ever in the middle of a melt down??? I miss mine so much. How lucky for Whitney to have a great Dad too. I’ll bet she does well at try outs. PS Happy Birthday!!!!

  67. Image for PJ PJ

    Another beautiful and inspiring story, KariAnne. My children are grown and as I look back, I know I made so many parenting mistakes, but as I tell my kids, "I did the best I could and with lots of love." Hope your birthday was wonderful Kudos to the man with twinkling eyes. Your daughter will forever remember teaching her dad and his willingness to make mistakes. What a fine example!

  68. Image for Marsha S Corley Marsha S Corley

    You and your children are so very blessed to have a loving husband and father. I was raised in a time that most fathers weren't so much like that. My father never danced with me; he made a living and coached baseball, but being the only girl in the family, I didn't get a lot of attention. I certainly never was "daddy's little girl". And then, the tragedy happened. He got cancer at age 44 and died five days after his 45th birthday. And, I was left with the "what-ifs", for always and forever and the longing for what never was or could be.. So, always remind your children of the wonderful gift of love they've been given.

  69. Image for Cathy Cathy

    Loved this advice! Have you ever noticed how the right advice can transcend generations? You chose well when it came to a life mate. Your children will follow you by the high standards that you've set.

  70. Image for Jolyn Jolyn

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! My tiny dancer just turned 22. She was always a natural talent and I never questioned whether she'd make the team, but that didn't stop her jitters, and worries, and in turn, my worries for her. Bask in these moments... they are so precious. And best of luck to her on the tryouts!! (and have an extra donut/latte/swig - whatever floats your boat - because being a mama of these precious babies takes a lot out of you).

  71. Image for Rachel L. Helberg Rachel L. Helberg

    This was BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you sooo much for sharing. I am a grandma with custody of my very young grandson (i turn 60 this april), so every day with him is a day of fear of doing something wrong. I was not prepared to be a mom at my age. Back when i had my daughter - i was semi-prepared. She had a disability that took 20 years of surgeries to try to get her semi-normal walking. She is 33 now and lost her other son in a house fire in 2014. It has not been easy for her or me or my wonderful (other) grandson. He lost his brother in that fire. I fully understand your feeling like you are not doing things right. Every day is a challenge but your beautiful post made me smile! Thank you again!!!

  72. Image for Donna Gaddis Donna Gaddis

    Ok! Now you have me teary-eyed with a lump in my throat because of a beautiful moment of Dad and Daughter love. Happy Birthday dear friend! Your dad was so very right. Just show up. Just be there. Just twirl.

  73. Image for Ellicia Ellicia

    What a lovely story. And just think when you are both old and sitting in your rockers, you will have a great photo of your beloved rocking out in his Dad jeans and Nikes with his precious daughter. ; )

  74. Image for Cil Cil

    Happy Birthday to you, KarriAnne. I hope you have had a wonderful day and many many more birthdays to come. Thanks for sharing your family with us. You give us a birthday present each day through your blogs. Good luck Whitney. We are pulling for you.

  75. Image for Heather Engelbrecht Heather Engelbrecht

    WOW !!! well done, I think you are an excellent mother not only because you show up, but because in that moment when you felt like you were a failure, you showed how much you loved your family, to want to be better at being a mother... that is LOVE in exclamation marks. Who was it that said we need to be perfect mothers anyway????? continue to love as only you know how !!!!

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