The experts tell you that there are a lot of benefits to losing weight.

It’s better for your heart. It’s better for your joints. It’s better for your feet.

And on and on and healthy on.

But sometimes they forget the most important benefit of all.

The FASHION.

Here are all the amazing things that have happened to me since I lost weight.

I’ve zipped up boots up to my knees.

I’ve buttoned a shirt right up the front.

I’ve worn jeans that didn’t stretch.

AND I BOUGHT DRESSES ABOVE MY KNEES.

Life. Changing. Events.

But if you’ve met me for more than five minutes, you know that with every step forward? Sometimes (on super rare occasions) I take two steps back.

Sigh.

Like yesterday….

….when this happened.

(total aside: one day I will get braver and not hold a pillow in front of my tummy.)

A couple of days ago warm decided to show up in Texas.

It was a beautiful day with sunshine and birds and floating clouds and dancing sunbeams and temperatures that started with a 6.

I looked at my closet and decided it was a beautiful day to wear a spring dress that has been sitting in my closet waiting for a day like this. It’s the most beautiful dress, y’all. It’s blue with a drawstring waist and the prettiest details and a little ruffle to the hem and it comes just above my knees.

I took it out and put it on and fluffed my hair and added flower earrings and the prettiest flats and went to look in the mirror.

YIKES.

YIKES TO THE YIKES.

What was that? What was that bright blinding white light bouncing off the mirror?

Oh. Wait. That was me.

Those were my legs.

So what is a girl with the prettiest spring dress and blinding white legs to do?

Umm.

Hello Captain Obvious. I live in Texas. The land of the big hair and the false eyelashes and the Aqua Net.

We never met a white leg that wasn’t fixed with a little self-tanner.

Now just between us?

I haven’t self-tanned since The Wiggles were on television.

But I’m a Texas girl. I knew I had a bottle of self-tanner somewhere in the bottom of a drawer right behind a tube of lip gloss and a bottle of Sun-in—all leftover from my glory days with mom’s club at the pool.

I found it and dug it out and put it on.

And waited.

If you’ve ever used a self-tanner, you know the key is the waiting.

It doesn’t look dark at first. Your legs look white and then something and amazing happens and a couple of hours later a tan shows up.

I worked for a while.

I stretched.

I drank water.

I distracted myself with Judge Judy and the new season of American Idol auditions.

After two hours I looked down to SEE NOT A SPECK OF TAN ON MY LEGS?

What?

What was happening? Where was the glorious tan? Where was summer in a bottle?

I applied more.

And waited.

Still absolutely positively nothing.

I figured it was an old bottle. All the tan probably left around 2015.

I shrugged my shoulders and put on jeans instead of my dress and thought that was the end of it.

Until.

Until I woke up yesterday morning and looked in the mirror.

I WAS ORANGE.

And the worst part?

I was way, way, WAY more oranger on one side than the other. It’s as if all the tanner went to one side of the bottle and showed up on my left arm and my left leg and my left eyebrow.

I know you thought this was probably part of the story where I showed you a picture?

Ummm.

Nope.

All you get is a foot.

The moral of the story?

Losing weight is good.

Drinking water is good.

Watching American Idol is good.

Putting on self-tanner that has been around since the beginning of time?

Don’t even think about it. 🙂

PS I’ve been scrubbing and loofahing and now? I’m somewhere between Orange and Sienna.

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Comments

  1. Image for Shelley Shelley

    You are just so darn cute. I just love listening to your stories everyday! So....not only do you need to stop hiding behind a pillow, you also need to step out from behind the chairs. You are just too beautiful to be hiding behind anything! Be proud of how amazing you are in your new smaller skin!!! Even if it is orange... Hugs from Maine.

  2. Image for Jennifer Dynys Jennifer Dynys

    I am laughing out loud! I swore off the stuff, it has the strangest smell. Hey! A foot picture, kind of a throw-back from your early days?😂. You look so beautiful though, truly!

  3. Image for Brenda Brenda

    Lol! And that's why I never, EVER self tan! That would be me! Thanks for sharing and have a great (loofah filled) day! And rest assured, You look great in anything! ;)

  4. Image for Betty in Arlington Betty in Arlington

    Dear Karianne, You're my hero! God bless your journey with good looks, fitting in zip up boots and feeling healthy! You're my hero!

  5. Image for Judy Feyen Judy Feyen

    To a Texas girl from a Michigan girl....because we live without sun for 1/2 the year...I have tried every self tanner there is. I have also been, orange and the worst was an orangey copper color! I finally found one that is a slow, natural tan and it's better for your skin then most. It's Jergens Natural Glow. It's in a tube and comes in 2 different shades... light to medium and medium to tan. I keep both shades on hand and I use the lighter through out the winter. It gives just a hint of color. Then I switch to the darker until I am able to get a little REAL sun, the few months that it appears in Michigan.

    1. Image for Donna Donna

      I love Jergens Natural Glow! Start with the light color. It gives my legs a little color and hides some of the imperfections -- but not all! I'm just old!

    2. Image for Mags Mags

      Thanks for the tip. I'm in Michigan as well. I have tried expensive to drug store and I'm going to check it out. 🙂👍

  6. Image for Kelly Kelly

    I have to ask- what are you doing differently to lose weight? You look amazing and I’m in desperate need of some inspiration and direction.

  7. Image for Betsy Betsy

    KariAnne, can you give us some insight as to what you stopped eating and what's been your food friend since you started your weight loss journey. You just look wonderful!!!

  8. Image for Sally Kirk Sally Kirk

    Oh girl! I feel your pain! Us blonde hair, blue eyed gals just have issues with tanning! We either try the “natural” way and ruin our skin or use self tanners and turn burn orange. I am so thankful that you have a great sense of humor and can laugh at yourself! Love you girlfriend!

  9. Image for Mickey N Mickey N

    I just tried L'oreal Sublime Bronze for the first time. For a person who hates fragrances, I didn't mind the scent of this at all. It also tanned nicely, not orange at all. Of course, the key is applying evenly and lightly at first to get the shade you want. Good luck.

  10. Image for Kathleen Kathleen

    My sentiments exactly on the Jergens product! Love this stuff!! I have one other tip, though! You can mix the Jergen’s with a moisturizer (1/2 and 1/2 in your palm) to start even more slowly! It moisturizes, and dilutes the “tan” to make it even less an initial change! (Might be especially helpful to moisturize after using scouring pads to scrub your tanner’s-too-old orange away!) You’re preaching to the choir ... “been there, done that” color too! As ever, love your stories!

  11. Image for Nancy Nancy

    YouY funny girl! You know your mother would say it is too early for bare legs just because the thermometer went up one day! I strongly remember being told that way too many times growing up! So pull on the jeans (or maybe ankle ones and wear a bright top for a few days! It’s 38 here today so I may be a tad jealous - even of orange and sienna!

  12. Image for Char Char

    Been there, done that. The Jerkins lotion works. They also have one you put on in the shower before drying off. Works great for a subtle tan.

  13. Image for Toni Toni

    You are a natural born story teller!!! This made me laugh and also made me thankful for my natural olive skin!!😊 your look fantastic!!! Good for you in the weight loss!

  14. Image for Dorothy Carter Dorothy Carter

    Thar is so funny. Reminds me of a brother in law who had streaks up his legs when he used it, it was funny, as was he. Thanks for the laughs.

  15. Image for Samantha Samantha

    Oh Karianne you are so funny! I am inspired by you too, you go girl!! You look amazing and I'm with Shelley you don't need to hide behind anything! (I know that is easier said than done). Keep up with your amazing self, as for self tanner, I like Jergens but I also like Sally Hansen airbrush leg makeup. :)

  16. Image for Katy Katy

    Wishing you continued success on your journey KariAne! Keep up the efforts towards your best health. You are looking like a beautiful butterfly emerging from your cocoon! Maybe you’re a Monarch right now with your orange colors! ;) You’ll find your right shade and continue to amaze us with your insight, progress and creative ideas. I applaud your honesty as you share your life with us! Happy for you and I so enjoy your every up and down! Cheering you on from Fort Worth! Hugs & love! Katy

  17. Image for Donnie Donnie

    I kept thinking - not an old bottle, not an old bottle! And now you get to practice patience and covering up! Congrats on the weight loss. So happy for you and all the hard work you have done. Keep shining that encouraging beacon for the rest of us. 👍🏻

  18. Image for Regina Merrick Regina Merrick

    Bless you all over (especially the orange parts, lol)! I’m with some other of our friends here - hate the smell , but L’Oréal isn’t as bad!! If it’s a fresh bottle, that is! 😘

  19. Image for Patricia Brock Patricia Brock

    You are such a great “story-teller” you always make me laugh. Your honesty and innocent approach to life is encouraging. Keep up the good work with your weight loss. You look MARVELOUS darling!

  20. Image for Cynthia Solomon Cynthia Solomon

    Karianne...you touch my heart for being so real and unafraid! Thank you! You are the best! Congratulations on your weight lost (may it never be found again)! Your outside beauty has always matched your inside beauty...self-tanner and all! Many blessings!!

  21. Image for Revonda Revonda

    You have the best stories! You definitely brighten my day. I know we have all done the same thing with the self tanning products.

  22. Image for Debbie Debbie

    I really needed a story like this. You are so honest, so real! I love it, thanks so much for the fun. Did I miss the post when you told us your weight loss secrets? You look beautiful.

  23. Image for Calypso in the Country Calypso in the Country

    You kill me! That's hilarious! Well, you look great despite the little bit of orange coloring! Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy that Texas weather! It's freezing in New Jersey today! Shelley

  24. Image for Leslie Watkins Leslie Watkins

    Goodness, friend. That would be ME that it would happen to, too! Not good at application of suntan lotion or self tanner. But, may I make a suggestion...that Sun In bottle left over from Moms in the pool...TOSS IT NOW! I sat next to someone in a hairstylist chair one day (who had applied Sun In on her hair...) and as the rollers were being removed from a perm from that woman's hair...the hair stayed on the rollers! EVERYONE was MORTIFIED! Horror on the stylist face...the woman's sitting in the chair...mine and everyone else in the shop. It was like all of the air was sucked out of the room! Morale of this story: THROW THAT BOTTLE AWAY, friend! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't tell you?! That gorgeous head of hair of yours is tooo precious for that! Problem averted!

  25. Image for Sara Sara

    You won’t find a zebra walking into a salon asking for polkas dots instead of stripes. The way I see it, the real moral of the story is that you’re beautiful just the way you are!

  26. Image for Michele M. Michele M.

    Bwuahahahahahaha. Oh this is soooooo something my little sister would do. HAS done, in fact. Oops. But great story, hahaha. Yikes. Poor thing. Always new - the new formulas are so much better - and before you EVER self tan really do a week's worth of sugar scrubs all over first - esp feet, knees and elbows to "prepare" your skin for the stain. Or better yet - if you are getting out and about again - go to a sprayer. That's the best way. Your pretty blue sun dress awaits, my dear Lady Sienna.

  27. Image for Kris Kris

    So glad you told your Tan In A Can story. I wonder if different skin types react differently to self tanners. Jergens turns me orange. I have dark hair so people seem to think I should tan well. Nope. Here's the thing ... I gave up on getting a real tan years ago and the good part of that is that my skin isn't getting wrinkles. All you young people out there who can't seem to get a natural tan, hold on, you may see the benefits of that in a few years!

  28. Image for Lori Lori

    There is a trick to getting that tanner off as well, I've done that..been there...it's called whitening toothpaste..not the gel kind....works like a charm. If you wish to know a great brand of self tanner I'll message you. I've used the stuff on my very pale white skin for years (I'm a good 56 over here:0)...I order online or even on Amazon but ya have to be careful of the older bottles as they do lose their tanning abilities. I just started my tanning yesterday so I can wear capri's with no socks and cute Keds. I so fell ya but I bet you look darling anyway Karianne! Any tips on great summer dresses? Online shops? Let us know!

  29. Image for Vicki McCloskey Vicki McCloskey

    I love the way you put your stories together. I’m dying laughing! Absolutely everything you said is so true. I’m tellin ya, girl, we could be twins! Snow white legs and tanner....oh my! Me too! On the serious side though, you look amazing!

  30. Image for Nancy Cox Nancy Cox

    You look fabulous. But I have donkey laughed for 5 minutes. I am literally crying. I have done this same thing except I’m orange all over. Thanks for the great laugh. Gotta embrace it.

  31. Image for Anna Anna

    KariAnne, it sounds like every one of us can relate to your story! Love that you really keep your comments real! 😆

  32. Image for Amanda Amanda

    You always keep me entertained with your posts. I hope your tan fades sooner rather than later... I myself have just accepted my utterly pale skin. I'm a natural strawberry blonde and like most red heads I don't tan. I just burn, within like 30 minutes of being in the sun. Last year we spend basically the entire summer outside and I was pretty much sunburned every day. Still didn't look like I had a tan. I could tell, but I was still very pale by most people's standards. So I'm okay with being practically albino. If someone doesn't like it, well, then they can put on their sunglasses... Wear the dress and feel beautiful being who you naturally are. It's not worth it trying to live up to someone else's ideal.

  33. Image for Sherry Duff Sherry Duff

    You make me laugh! I think every southern girl has been orange a time or two!!! I found that for me, Avon Skin so Soft gel tanner is great! Smell is not bad and as it is a gel it goes on so smoothly and evenly. And the best part is that it is affordable! I had to bring mine out Sunday for church as the weather was 82 here in south Georgia and my legs were blinding! You look great--so I agree with everyone else---stop hiding behind pillows and chairs and be confident in the new you!

  34. Image for Marlene Stephenson Marlene Stephenson

    Well, I felt sorry, then you made me smile, the things us women won't do to look beautiful. Some day you will get old and things won't really matter that much. Thanks for the cute story, your smile is so brilliant I doubt they would ever notice your legs!!

  35. Image for Jayne McLeod Jayne McLeod

    You are just too cute for words ... and my cheeks and my belly thank you for all the laughs !!!!!!!!!!!

  36. Image for Teresa Gonzales Teresa Gonzales

    Oh my-I told you my one and only experience with spray on tanner. You are such a great story teller, thank you for sharing.

  37. Image for Karen Karen

    Hello I didnt read the comments, cause 41 of them. Who can cast the first stone? No one, we have all done that. Gave me a good laugh. You silly girl!

  38. Image for laura laura

    The laughs are in the oops! I have a spray tanner and I love it. I swore off lotions when I would find it on my forearms. Love this! You look amazing and happy and healthy! Try a spray! Oh and try shaving your legs to get the suntan out! laura

  39. Image for jan jan

    You are always good for a laugh when I need one. Try the Jergens tanning lotion. It's gradual so start using it now. They may have one for the body and one for the face. It does a great job and it's never orange. Also, you don't need to hide behind anything anymore, if ever. You are an inspiration to so many and I'd hate for others to think it's still not good enough. Have fun with the Loofah!

  40. Image for PJ PJ

    Thank you for bringing a laugh to my day. My legs are also a blinding white so I have learned to embrace legging and tights under my dresses.

  41. Image for Carolyn Carolyn

    You look fantastic! If I get too much tanner on my knees, I use a little fingernail polish remover on them. Works like a charm. Coconut oil takes away any dryness! As an Oklahoma girl we can’t have white legs!!!

  42. Image for Jan Fusco Jan Fusco

    Bless your heart, you are so darlin'. That sounds like somelthing that would happen to me. I just have to say you look fabulous! My weight loss is coming along a bit slower than yours but I'm happy with it for now. What is the weight loss program you are doing? Just curious.

  43. Image for Celeste Celeste

    As an extremely pale person, I grew up wearing slacks and pantyhose on 90 degree days to hide my white legs. I avoided shorts and sleeveless tops ...and boy was I miserable. One day I realized I just wasn't living the life I wanted because of worry over what other people would think. So enough! Now I sport my just crawled out from under a rock look with not a care in the world and I'm so much happier on a hot summer day. Your paleness is beautiful just go with it.

  44. Image for ℅ kim kurpita ℅ kim kurpita

    Karianne, I just llove you. I bet we have all been down the self tanning road. I know I have so let me tell you what I use now. It is Jergans natural glow for wet skin. It wont give a deep dark tan but does give you a fresh sun kissed look. If you use it at every shower every day it does work quite well without turning orange. I have been using it for over 2 years and love it. There is a dry skin formula also for all of us that dont shower every day since covid. Give it a try. Kim

  45. Image for Donna Donna

    Hi Karianne, I love your "tanning tale" story. It happens to all of us, especially me! It will wear off and you can start over with a new product. By the way, you look beautiful! I love the color of your hair and your dress is adorable. Look forward to learning more from you each day. Keep up the good work!

  46. Image for Ivory Ivory

    I don’t know what you looked like, as you said, “ before I lost weight.” All I can comment on, is what I see now. You look beautiful inside and out. I love you cheerful face/smile. I love your stories. I love your decorative ideas. And I love your “ one tanned foot 🦶.” Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing your story.

  47. Image for Paula@SweetPea Paula@SweetPea

    Thank you for making me laugh this morning! I know you about died when you saw the end result of using your self tanner. It's been years since I've used it and now I know I will never again touch that stuff. Did yours have a smell? That's one thing that I remember about self tanner that I could hardly stand.

  48. Image for Lee Anne Lee Anne

    You must try Banana Boat self tanner. The trick is that you have to rub it in evenly, and allow time to work. I usually put it on at night before I read so it can dry, and wake up with that sun-kissed look. No bad smell, and it goes on smooth!

  49. Image for Lisa Lisa

    Love, love, love your stories and self-deprecating style! You are beautiful in every possible way. Own it. 💕 Thank you for always keeping it real and oh so relatable! We’ve had temps that begin with 7s here in the Charleston Lowcountry, so I will begin to fight the good fight as well and do my part to protect the eyesight of passersby. I found the glorious bottle of self tanner I used last year, which you might like too! Worth every penny; it lasted the entire summer and I still have some left! It’s available on at least two websites: St. Tropez Self Tan Purity Vitamins Bronzing Water Body Mist. (Not sure if you can post this comment since I have clearly promoted a specific product.) Here’s to learning to love ourselves a little more each day.

  50. Image for Denise Denise

    I remember Sun=In. Us broke Southern girls just bought some Hydrogen Peroxide and combed that in on the cheap, doncha know? Also, we mixed Merthiolate (spelling?)the red stuff yo mama would put on your booboos)and baby oil and rub that into your skin to get a good tan. Of course this didn't work too well for me seeing as how I'm part albino. lol. Seriously, as mama said I would burn in the moonlight. Huge blisters, oh let's not go there too painful. What was worse, my cousin would tan so beautifully in her little bikini, while I looked like a big ol' white blob in my one piece. With the streaky orange hair ; ) BTW, gurl you are looking soooo fine. Good on you!

  51. Image for Michelle Crowley Michelle Crowley

    I laughed out loud reading this post!!! I have 4 words for you cute friend, Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - this stuff is gold in a bottle. Not a self-tanner. . . it just stains the skin and it looks so good and so natural - instant results, is somewhat water resistant (just don't rub your skin with a towel when you get out and it will last) AND it doesn't smell. I've gotten pro at the application; 1. Use latex gloves when you apply, this makes it look smooth and keeps it off your hands. 2. You don't need a lot, a little goes a long way. 3. If it starts to dry before you get it all smooth just get your gloved hands damp and keep blending. 4. Let it dry all the way before you put on cloths, it does stain before it's dry, once its set it doesn't rub off and your good to go!!! Love your honest and funny posts - makes me smile every day!

  52. Image for Eileen Eileen

    Another thing to NOT DO with self tanner? try to use a pumice stone to 'hurry up' the process! Self tanning made me look like a spotted orange and white cheetah and it was horrendous! My little brain thought..hey..I will just scub this stuff off And grabbed the pumice stone. I didn't hurt in the shower but about 20 minutes later...YEE-OUCHY! I couldn't wear pants for a week.

  53. Image for Sue Sue

    I hope you don't mind that I have used your misfortunate incident with an old self-tanning lotion to brighten my day. I don't know why, I just have been in some sort of a funk the last couple of days and reading your blog has me laughing out loud. You are and also look, amazing!!

  54. Image for Nancy Carr Nancy Carr

    I love you. You are so real. I’ve never used self tanner, and now I won’t be tempted. Thanks for the giggle. Much love.

  55. Image for Peg Peg

    Jergens has an instant self tanner that I love, "Instant Sun"!! Because it's instant, you can see where you're applying it!!! (You may want to wear a plastic glove.) xoxo

  56. Image for Ann Ann

    First of all, you look wonderful! I love the you tuber Dominique Sachse. She is a newscaster in Houston. She has a video every Wednesday at 1:00. She covers makeup, fashion, what she eats, and decorating. This past week, she talked about self tanning. Now, I do not know her at all; I just happen to learn from her every week.

  57. Image for JC JC

    You are too cute and funny! Give it a week and things should fade. At least you didn't put it on your face, right?!!! I had a friend call me in tears, years ago, after she colored her own hair with a new color. Through the sobs, she said, "I just colored my hair and it's orange!!! What am I gonna do? It's ORANGE!!!" What are true friends for, but to laugh, and cry through life's ups and downs? She had to wait 6-8 weeks for things to change. Yours should be much quicker and can be covered! Happy week, friend!

  58. Image for Yolanda M. Duran Yolanda M. Duran

    OMG...a Horror story!!! LOL I did that once, and had to do the scrubbing thing on my legs before a Summer wedding the next day! I do want to tell you that I became a consultant for Rodan+Fields Skin Care later, and their sunless tanner is fabulous!!! NEVER orange, and looks so natural! If you are interested in trying it, let me know and I'll get you hooked up with a discount from me! Have a great day...I love your stories!

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