Have you ever had a day where everyone was cuter than you?
Everyone had better hair.
Everyone had shoes that matched their purse.
Everyone had children that behaved and didn’t argue back.
Everyone was smarter or better or taller or shorter or skinnier or richer or nicer or prettier or lived in a house that looked like a magazine.
Ever had a day like that?
Come sit by me.
I’ve really been struggling this past week. I know I write happy words and use exclamation points and smile through my posts and dance and turn cartwheels on my lawn, but inside? My heart has been so heavy. So burdened. It seems that everywhere I turn, I feel inadequate.
I feel less.
I feel small.
I shouldn’t feel like that. I shouldn’t. I know better. But I can’t help it.
My internal narrative goes like this:
I create a blog.
Someone else is creating it better.
I take photographs.
Someone else is taking them better.
I’ve written a book.
Someone else is writing it better.
Over and over and over again, I compare myself to others….
….and I always come up short.
Until I want to go back to bed and pull up the covers and hide my flaws away from a world that is so much more perfect than me.
Yesterday I cut these peonies.
I gathered them into my arms and marveled at the unfolding petals and the brilliant color and the beautiful blooms that unfolded in the garden over the weekend. I filled the pitcher with water and fluffed them and put them into the stoneware top and in the middle of flower arranging 101….
….the most brilliant thought occurred to me.
Yes. These peonies are beautiful.
Every. Single. Petal.
No one could deny it. No one could argue. No one would say otherwise.
But here’s the amazing thing. Here’s what I realized at that moment. Here’s the truth that spoke to my heart. The roses that grow in the flower bed right next to them are just as beautiful.
The roses are a little more thorny. A little smaller with a few less petals. A different shape, a different look, a red instead of a pink….
….but truly, incredibly, amazingly beautiful in their own way.
Just like the lilies and the nandinas and the magnolia and the holly and the boxwood and the hydrangea…
Somewhere along the way in all that comparison and feeling sorry for myself and walking around like I was less…
….I totally missed the point.
I am different.
It’s true. It’s a fact. I’m not like anyone else.
And the me that I am is funny and incredible and awesome and a little dramatic. And my eyes smile and I have a southern accent and I have extra long toes and I’m impatient and short and sometimes I laugh so hard that it bubbles out of me like ripples on a pond.
I’m a rock star.
And here’s the best part…..
….you are too. 🙂
PS This post was brought to you by the first peonies of the season.
Who knew they were philosophers?