Wednesday was my anniversary.
It ended up looking extraordinarily un-anniversary like.
It truly tried to be an anniversary. A celebration. A day to remember the incredible day I got married.
It really, really did.
But all that un-anniversary got in the way.
It rained Wednesday.
And one of my children had to go to the hospital for a minor procedure that ended up being a little more involved and I spent 10 hours at the hospital worrying and praying and shredding a piece of kleenex into a million pieces and the check engine light came on in the car and we discovered that we needed a new catalytic converter and had to drive the car to the mechanic that night and then we heard on the news that our town might flood.
Now in the end it all worked out.
My son is home and wonderful and recovering and almost won Risk last night along with world domination.
The car is going to be fixed by Monday.
The river in front of the town will only crest at 47.5′, just below the 48′ sandbag level.
The sun is shining.
We are all fine.
But on Wednesday?
I was mad.
Like shaking your fists at the sky with clumps of dirt in them Scarlett O’Hara kind of mad.
Didn’t the world know it was my anniversary?
Couldn’t flood waters and a new catalytic converter wait for a day I didn’t get married on.
And the saddest part?
I wasn’t nice.
Not even a little nice. Not even trying to be nice in the face of adversity. Not even trying to put on a brave face and muddle through.
I woke up the next day still feeling mad.
Have you ever had a day like that?
Where one day of mad isn’t enough? Like you feel so righteously indignant that you need an extra day of mad just to feel justified?
Later that morning my mad self and I climbed into the car with the kids to drive into town and one of the twins asked me if she could play me a song.
And these lyrics filled the car:
“Well I’ll be your shade tree in summer
If you’ll be my fire when it’s cold
And whatever the season, we’ll keep on breathing
Cause we have each other to hold
I’ll hold you ~ I’ll sing
I wanna love you forever I do
I wanna spend all of my days with you
I’ll carry your burdens be the wind at your back
I wanna love you forever ~ forever like that”
As as the lyrics danced across the dashboard and I listened to the words of that song.
It was like he was singing to me.
And I was so ashamed.
Of my behavior. Of my lack of grace under pressure. Of my pity party.
Of all my mad.
And the tears spilled out of the corner of my eyes.
And then I called my husband.
And blubbered all kinds of incoherent things into the phone like him being the wind at my back and shade trees and sunny days ending and melodies and words on the pages.
And I was sorry.
And that I would love him forever.
I could hear his smile over the phone.
And then he laughed.
And told me he understood and it had been a rough day and cars and floods and hospital visits were definitely not on the list of anniversary plans and he would love me forever….
PS I just read this post to him and played the song and he went and got his guitar and started singing to me.
Forever looks a lot like that. 🙂
PPS Here’s to a wonderful 2016.
Happy New Year.